WOES OF WINTER

It is dreadfully cold where I am now.

It takes so much of dressing to keep warm, even indoors with the heater on.  My OOTD (outfit-of-the-day)  is the hood-rat look. Pajamas, 2 shirts, a house duster over it, a robe, a hoodie, socks, fluffy slippers. My fashion peg is just grab whatever it is you can find that will add heat.  This also applies to going outdoors -- everything and anything - if I could I would my comforter  just to keep warm.   It boggles my mind HOW others looks so fabulously-smashingly-put-together -- winterized color-coordinated-fashion-forward-everything-spot-on because in MY reality its never gonna be like that.  Mine is mismatched and misfired.

Hair.  The upside is that I don't need to wash my hair daily.  3-4 times a week is damaging in itself.  I love it that you get to do all sorts of styles with your hair -- pony, the upswept, bedhead, clamp-it-up and still look fabulous - only because no one really has well coiffed hair. Even if you wear a Tiara to dazzle up the drab do or have your hair standing on end because of static no one notices no one judges,

Skin  - face and body needs major buttering up. There is so much  (dry) skin shedding this season, it takes the place of dust around the house.   Your face is so tight - there is a constant fear that it will tear up where the wrinkles are.  You wake up and barely want to wash off  your sleep for the damage it will do you end up going back to bed (that is the winter-plus).   Time and budget is required to meet the basics.  You also need to re-arrange your house as the bare essentials of potions will need its own walk-in cabinet.

Wardrobe.  Currently limited to 2 colors - Black and Black.  And so is my  footwear, down to 4 - sneakers, dress boots, winter boots and galoshes.  Headgear  - I have bonnets, toques, bands, ear muffs.   Gloves are also "classified" - for driving (better have a good grip on the wheel as you need a different set of driving skills just to arrive alive); dressy, leather, nylon and the life saving sub-zero grade.  Socks - this is the most disposable item -  I need to own at least 3 dozens to survive the season because of lost, mismatched and the dreaded hole in the toe.  I also need a wide assortment of scarves to go with the temperature as well as the dexterity to tie them 1000 knot ways - I thank You tube videos for that.

Weight.  Oh  my Lord !!!!!!  Its biting cold, so you want to bite back with food.  You are ALWAYS hungry.  Enough said. Change topic.

REFRESH

Over the the first weekend of the new year, I found time to do some cleaning, throwing and sorting - not confined to my house only, but also in my digital world.  I went through my emails and my cloud storage, my playlists, my archived pictures, my laptop, my mobile phone  to clean it up and put things in order.  It was like purging.  I dont remember doing a grand sweep last year nor the years before so I found it to be relief.  I  would at times just clean up the surface or whatever it is in front of me.   Like everyone who has done it before I realized that i have accumulated so much through the years - the excess and  the useless.  While it showed me my hoarder-nature it was also some kind of My-life-in-Review.  I can remember highlights and downturns, success and failures, pain and suffering, joy and happiness - but nothing like seeing it somehow, documented.  I went through each of them and felt, again the emotions behind each one.  I felt lighter, As they all say, hindsight is always 20/20. While I have deleted some I dont regret any each served a lesson.

Which brings me now to here. Start of another year,  an auspicious time to re-start.   I started this blog back in 2009.  The reason behind it then was that everybody seemed to have one.  I also felt I was at a crossroad - largely due to our impending move to Canada.  But really, because I think i have much to say and I needed a venue to do so. Even if i was the only one who reads it.  It was also a forum where i can say and share without the pressure and fear of judgement.  After all, its not like Facebook where somehow you needed to conform.  You can share without worrying that it could be misconstrued or worse, a statement alluding to someone in the loop.  But then again, it does happen in Facebook.  Sometimes we feel violated and violate others too when we post things that ran contrary to other peoples sensibilities and sensitivities.  Oftentimes it is not intentional as Facebook would have this thing of sharing it.  We end up vicariously enjoying most, if not all and at times we get irritated as well.  Nonetheless, to most of us it has become a lifeline of some sort, fellowship abound - where friendships are made and kept. 

My last entry was in April 2013. Its close to 3 years ago its high time to refresh this blog.  I will not withhold, nor self-censor, I will not conform. It may at times be self-indulgent or controversial but this is going to be real as it gets. For me.  I am posting this in my Facebook account for others to know of its presence.  You may or may not follow it. But if you do view this blog on your own volition, please take all that I share with an open mind and the right context.  

I have been keeping a private journal in the recent past  so I have much to write about - I just hope I have enough time to do so.  

Happy New Year and Welcome to my Blog.

I 

Cheesy

Great Idea from KIMBERLY KUEBLER... Magawa nga today :-)


CHEESY PULL-APART BREAD

INGREDIENTS:
1 large loaf or boule-style Italian bread (Sourdough or French could also work)
½ cup butter (unsalted or salted is fine), melted
1 clove garlic, minced
1 bunch scallions, trimmed and thinly sliced
8 ounces sharp Cheddar cheese, shredded (about 2 cups)
8 ounces Monterey Jack cheese, shredded (about 2 cups)
Chopped fresh parsley, to garnish (optional)

DIRECTIONS:
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Spray a sheet of heavy-duty foil with non-stick cooking spray and set aside.

2. Cut a cross-hatch pattern into the top of the bread by slicing ½-inch grid lines into the bread, stopping about ¼-inch from the bottom of the bread so that it stays together. Place the bread on the piece of foil that has been sprayed.

3. Stir together the melted butter, garlic and scallions.

4. Gently separate the bread with your fingers, then spoon the butter mixture in all of the seams, making sure it is evenly distributed among the whole loaf. Wrap the loaf up in the foil and place on a baking stone or directly on the oven rack and bake for 10 minutes.

5. Remove from the oven and increase the oven temperature to 425 degrees F.

6. Open the foil and sprinkle the shredded cheese on top of the bread. There will be a lot of cheese, so try to push down as much as you can in between all of the crevices in the bread. Leave the foil open and return it to the oven. Bake until the cheese is completely melted, bubbling and starting to brown on top, about 15 minutes. Let stand for 5 minutes before serving, then sprinkle with parsley (if desired) and dig in!

Spring has sprung

FINALLY!

I am so sick sick sick of snow. Another 6 months ow warm-er weather for now. 

Frenemy

 

 

"Who is mighty? That person who can control their own emotions and make, of an enemy, a friend." ~ Talmud

Seven to remember

Sharing this reminder.

Having a Fix

Amy  Flett is an artist and writer from Nova Scotia, who writes short pithy observations on life, accompanied by her beautiful, simple graphics.  This is my favorite.  Not didactic, but gently stated. Like a whisper in my ear.

Kuripot

I feel so victorious  every time I go to the Mall / Department Store and go home without buying anything.
Its enough that I see, hold, try and sometimes fit the items I like and know I can buy them.If  I  really want something so bad, so very bad  I will make three visits on the average - to try or hold or, smell the item.  I figured that if after three visits and it still calls my name, then I can part with my cash.It takes me a while to decide  the stores mark it down so I no longer need to wait for a storewide sale . I am a multiple buyer (same color, all colors, all styles, and lately, + / - sizes)-coupon cutting-bargain basement bin raider.

Self-proclaimed Halukay Queen.

Really ?

                                                         

           That's you Mom ! -- Gab

I Hope you Dance

                                                                 LOVE THIS

Forgive & Forget

mag·nan·i·mous

[mag-nan-uh-muhs] Show IPA

adjective

generous in forgiving an insult or injury; free from petty resentfulness or vindictiveness: to be magnanimous toward one's enemies.

 

high-minded; noble: a just and magnanimous ruler.

 

proceeding from or revealing generosity or nobility of mind, character, etc.: a magnanimous gesture of forgiveness.

 

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The Reason for Being

This blog is for MY 

Things and Thoughts ..
Pictures and Posters ..
Rants and Raves..
Musings and Moments ...

MY Pain and Pride

Anything and Everything that moves me. 

The B is Back

Its been almost 2 years to the date since I last posted an entry on my blog.


It was a few days after I was diagnosed that I  had Breast Cancer.

A lot has changed since then.  I changed.

I lost some, I gained some..I became...

Change

It takes me awhile to get going.

Only because, Change is not something I look forward to.

It is oftentimes postponed or worked around at.

There's a feeling that consumes me in the worry and anticipation of a shifting of my life's tectonic plates. The nervous anxiety is debilitating. You would rather stay put and not budge at all.

I could not understand " Embrace the unknown".."Jump".."Leap of Faith"..

But that was THEN..too long ago to remember.

Scarce

I want to share with you an ARTICLE from the blog "Breathing Space" : Thoughts on a conscious and engaged life entitled ABUNDANCE NOT SCARCITY..(www.panjeetapales.com)

I so love this blog article :-)

..and so timely.

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ABUNDANCE NOT SCARCITY
October 11, 2008
www.panjeetapales.com

That's what I remind myself almost daily. I have to consciously leap from one perspective to the next (latter to former, of course, thanks to a lifetime of programming). Most of us live from the point-of-view of scarcity, of not having enough or being enough, always being short, substandard, seeing what's wrong and never what's working-- and that creates a ripple of energy that boomerangs right back at us, thereby fulfilling the prophecy.

The world is in an economic crisis now; all we see is lack or impending lack. We're seeing difficult times, lean times, cutting back, scrimping, saving, sacrificing, denying ourselves, doing without, doing with much less. What we see is doom and fear. But is this inevitable?

This economic crisis is a tremendous opportunity for the world to shift at last. We are a world of uber-consumers. We keep changing, adding, multiplying, accruing, accumulating, consuming, upgrading, buying, buying, buying. This is our opportunity to look at what we really have and surprise ourselves as we change the lens from "scarce" to "enough" and, perhaps, even more than enough.

I struggle with this everyday. I grew up in an environment of "not enough", though I don't remember ever going hungry. We always had what we needed. We did okay, though there is this buzz I inherited from who-knows-where, that made me view the world through the lens of scarcity. I got a sound education (though not Ivy League which, in hindsight, feels like a blessing)and certainly was given enough to make something of myself after, if not in the realm of mainstream success then in other, more personally relevant ways. Yet I'm having to undo this feeling of scarcity that seems to have been ingrained in me. I work on it because I don't want my children to inherit it. You can have everything material you could possibly need or want, but if you come from a place of seeing only scarcity, you will feel just that. I don't want that for them.

I've stopped looking at money--or everything it can buy--to survey my life. It's not how much money I have in the bank anymore but my ability to meet my family's needs that is the better measure. Am I able to fulfill my needs and theirs when necessary? So far, yes! There have been months that were tight but always, always, something comes up to cover just what I need. And that to me is abundance! It has nothing to do with what I have but my ability to make the most of it when I need it. It's also because I see that I am able to fulfill so many needs that have nothing to do with material wealth, but inner resources. It's almost miraculous.

I find that when I am engaged in the sharing of my inmost self, I am better able to feel and see abundance in my life. But when I am thinking and moving out of an inner space that is not generous in nature (and I'm not necessarily talking material wealth here), then I feel helpless and afraid of the future and all that brings. Scarcity is often a fear that is connected to the future, not the past, that's why it's paralyzing. Abundance is now! And if we stop and survey our lives, I'm sure that we have more reason to feel abundance than scarcity.

I just need to look at my garden and the clear blue sky above, inhale the fresh air that envelops me daily and I know it! I see my children savoring whatever simple meal I managed to whip up for them and it is there again. This doesn't mean my fears are gone forever. They are not. I still hope for a lot of things in my life to fall into place and there's still that nagging thought..."when I....then I will truly feel abundant....", but since I've tried to make the feeling of abundance a regular and conscious practice, I find that I am able to trust the unknown more and see, with clear eyes, everything that I truly have today. And if I view my life from that window of clarity, I see a lot. When I view it from the view of fear and projected need, I see scarcity.

So many people envied my life before. Someone even said my story was like a fairy tale. But it wasn't. I have so much less materially today but my life is so much truer and fuller, in every sense of the word, and all that has to do with the quality of faith I put in my inner life and a powerful commitment towards integration, rather than my external circumstances. These are the tools I hang on to and they are the ones that have brought me true feelings of abundance. They allow me to take the long and wide view.

I know women who look longingly at designer bags and shoes, watches, jewelry, cars, vacations--each one a peg towards fulfillment and I just know how very disappointed and empty they will feel at each turn. They may end up with closets full of these things but abundance still won't be there. It is somewhere else entirely. I've seen women parading in town already adorned with all these trappings, but I've also seen how they stare forlornly into space. I know people who are crazy wealthy but use their wealth to hurt others in subtle but vicious ways and I know that there is a big crater of a void in them where true and living abundance ought to be.

We don't have to be wealthy to live in abundance; we only have to be able to see and appreciate everything we've already been given and trust that we have what it takes to have our true needs met. All we need to do today is change the lens from which we view life. And then allow ourselves to be amazed and grateful for everything that is already there.

=================== www.panjeetapales.com

Lara

In late October 2005, An acquaintance, whom i knew as Lara sent me an email with this saying from Mother Theresa. She was not a regular email pal nor was she in my loop (I only met her once, when i accompanied my Mom to her MRI and she was also there for hers, as i recall - so this was a surprise to me. I don't remember giving her any personal information. Until now i am still puzzled how she was able to send me this. It was not the usual group-chain-email as i was the only recipient of the email and it came on the day/at a time when i needed affirmation.

She is a devotee of Mother Theresa and she sent me this while on a religious pilgrimage to Calcutta (as what she said in her email). I still haven't found the how, the why and the the where-for's of this email, but i believe that a greater force, wanted me to have it. I have kept this to heart since that day.

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The Final Analysis

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered Forgive them anyway
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; Be happy anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies; Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone may destroy overnight; Build anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;Give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is all between you and God, It was never between you and them anyway.

- -Mother Theresa-

Mantra

Since December 2005, I have a mantra which i recite (in my mind) everyday. This also serves as my new-and-all year resolution. It helps me find my center.

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To be so strong that nothing can disturb my peace of mind. To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person I meet. To make all my friends feel that there is something worthwhile in them. To look at the sunny side of everything and make my optimism come true.To think only of the best, to work only for the best and to expect only the best.To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as I am about mine. To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future. To wear a cheerful expression at all times and give a smile to every living creature I meet. To give so much time to improving myself that I have no time to criticize others. To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble. To think well of myself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud word, but in great deeds. To live in the faith that the whole world is on my side, so long as I am true to the best that is in me.

Closure of some sort....Redux

My first blog-article was written in my FB account entitle "Closure of some sort" last September 24, 2008. As posted in its entirety ...

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Through the wonders of Technology, (and) FaceBook has allowed me to re-connect with friends...But i never thought that it would be a means to purge my disappointment (and up till now did not know, was festering way-deep-down in my subconsiousness) over a rejection way back 1978.

Yesterday afternoon, i was checking out a friend's network and found in (his) loop a person whose picture and name appeared vaguely familiar to me (memory-gap moment) and yet somehow seeing him disturbed me (sub-conscious kicking in). After some brain-crushing (aided by caffeine) i connected the gaps and realized that THIS was the BOY (then) who REJECTED me some 30 years ago..OMG!! The memory of that REJECTION came flooding in, unabated, vivid AND cruel. Jaded as i am, i didn't think that something so petty, so juvenile, and so-very- long-ago can actually affect me 30 years after. But it did.

Liken to a movie script :

July, 1978. College Freshman. The (in)famous (C)AS Steps in UP Diliman. I see a Man-boy sitting on the steps...my heart beat fast, i was flustered...he was unlike all the other Man-boys i knew (then) because he seemed (then) mysterious and brooding...and he was a HUNK !! I've had a string of crushes, infatuations but this was different. TOTALLY. In hindsight, (and in current parlance) It was Lust-at-first sight. Ha!Ha!Ha! I HAD to know this Man-Boy...and I did..well, not really..Next to passing my Math 11, getting to know (about) him was my First year-First semester priority.

I did get to know about him..Name, Course, High School attended etc...all i can with the limited resources (and connections) about the Hunk-of-a-Man-Boy. I made it a point to be at the AS steps when i thought he would. I would ogle at him and enjoy the view :-)But never-ever did he even look at me. But i never gave up hope that i will, in the course of time, would get to know him...

Fast forward..August 1978. I needed an escort/date to a friend's debut..not that i didn't have a ready-supply of possible escorts (modesty aside) but this was a valid reason for me to ask Hunk-Man-Boy to be my date..mustering enough courage ..no,.. actually egged on, cajoled, coerced and challenged by my best friend..I hatched up a grand plan to ask/invite Man-Hunk.. down to the time, spiel, look, disposition and attire ! Despite the expected backlash (and adding fodder to the rumor-mill by -II was controversial and misinterpreted then by my peers..well that's another purge-topic coming) I was determined to have Hunk- Man-Boy as my escort. So after days of putting-off THE plan, and 5 days left before the debut... I put the grand Plan into action.

That fateful afternoon (and with my Bestfriend in the background, for moral support) I approached Hunk-Man-Boy in his usual perch at the AS steps. I sat beside him..close enough to establish intimacy..glanced at his bulging chest and enormous thighs (for added spice) looked into his soulful eyes and with what i thought was enough charm and spunk.. said " Can you be my Date at a friends Debut on Saturday????" DEAD AIR.

Then, the Bomb.. Hunk-Man-Boy declared, a crisp and cruel...NO. He didnt even say WHY. I was DEVASTATED. My head was spinning (pride), my heart was breaking to pieces (love, or so i thought), my body was aching (lust, no doubt)...after what seemed like eternity waiting for a possible word-or-two to explain and soften the rejection, (a sorry was enough, but none still) HUNK_MAN_BOY again, without any remorse, and emphatically said, NO. I wanted to punch his nose...(which then, i was beginning to realize was that enormous bordering on deformed, hahahah cruel din ako) but all i could muster, then was a painful THANK YOU. Exit with grace,..no, actually i fled the place with tears welling in my eyes.

I was inconsolable. I cried for most part of the day. I cut class, I didn't eat lunch or dinner and just wallowed in self-pity. I never thought that somebody, technically, a stranger at that, could actually hurt me. To cope up with the first-ever-trauma REJECTION, I completely blotted out the memory of that fateful day by being in denial and the vision of Hunk-Man-Boy (though hard as it is..wide chest, enormous thighs) NOW Hunk-Man-Boy-with a big nose-and-surely-dumb... WellI did forget..I got over it and moved on to (greater) rejections..

As postcript.. I also did fail my Math 11 that semester..the first of many...:-)


Until NOW. Damn. I still do remember. It all seems to juvenile now ( to even recall) , and yet the memory of the crisp and cruel NO remains. It was a defining moment for me.

But fate has a way of settling things, i now came to know (and after a serious data-gathering; verification- connect-the-dots exercise, all in less than a day..needed that to get my bearing back) that in some weird way, The STRANGER-Hopefully still HUNK-Old MAN-Not a BOY anymore-with a BIGGER NOSE is in my peripheral social loop..

Get this..

Eric my Husband was his classmate/batchmate at the Ateneo HS..

He is a good friend of my boy-best-friend-forever in my favorite town of Oshawa in Canada, Noel (also his HS classmate/batchmate), who incidentally is in my FB loop too...

Our ancestors came from the same town in Cavite.. that makes us possibly, albeit distantly related to me

He is in the loop of my newly re-discovered friend in FB, Greg.

and the list goes on and on ...

Amazing to say the least.

He may not remember.. I don't really care but i am happy that I DO remember. At the least, (as per Dr's advice to practice) finding him in FB (and all angst that came after) was mental exercise to prevent Alzheimer's :-) I have forgiven, I have forgotten. But he still remains a marked man. :-)

The wonders of FACEBOOK !!!!!!

As i write this, I must admit i have a gnawing desire to actually send this, thru the FACEBOOK Personal messaging function to the Hunk-Man-Boy. What do you think? Show of hands, please. hahahahahhahah.....

25

I was tagged by 8 friends in Facebook - so i had to write this 25 Random things about me. As posted :

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Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

(To do this, go to “NOTES” under tabs on your "PROFILE" page (you may have to add the tab by clicking on the + sign), click on "Compose New Message" and paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.)

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1. I am a typical Leo-Ox. All the good and the bad.
2. I start and end my day with a prayer.
3. I love Eric my sons Gab and Raf very much. They mean the world to me.
4. I want my sons to have more than what I had / have.
5. I value family and friendships more than the material things.
6. I work hard. I don’t rely on luck.
7. I often feel the need to slowdown but can’t. Not now, not yet.
8. I would rather have less than take from others to have more.
9. I prefer simplicity in everything. Less is more.
10. I hate being late. I always come early for an appointment.
11. I always look for the solution. The problem is there anyway.
12. I rely on my instincts. I have made the best decisions based on gut-feel.
13. I like it when people underestimate me. It gives me more leverage.
14. I over-achieved people’s expectations, even those of my detractors.
15. I don’t forget a word or act of kindness/thoughtfulness, more so the cruelty and insults, even those made 40 years ago.
16. I cheer for the underdog.
17. I can’t sing. I am off-key. But I can still dance.
18. I rarely wear prints. I don’t look good in them.
19. I eat a lot, eat often and eat anything and anywhere.
20. I buy on Sale, never on regular price.
21. I know who / what / which is real.
22. I never burn bridges.
23. I have no regrets.
24. I take things as they are, as they come and accept them.
25. I believe in happy endings.

Proud Mom

I beg your indulgence. Allow me to share with you a piece my son, Gabriel wrote sometime in September. They were asked to write an autobiography as part of his - application to the Ateneo de Manila High School. (where you have to write what your future plans are)...I kept a photocopy of his handwritten draft for posterity.

For some, it may be simple, but like any Mom, i am so proud of his earnest efforts....

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As written by Gabriel in full.......

The Autobiography of Gabriel Arcangelo K. de Dios

I am the firstborn son of Eric and Tina de Dios. I was baptized at the height of a raging storm on Septemebr 30, 1995 by Fr. Tom Arackal at the Parish of the Holy Sacrifice in UP Diliman. Most of the guests could not make it, but the few who were able to come recall that day not because of the bad weather but recall, with humor, attending the baptism of a boy named Gabriel the Archangel of God.

To most people, I have a special name. My parents made me special by giving me a name i have to live up to. They say that it is through my name that they have offered me, their son to the Lord. I am to most, an ordinary and regular guy because i am simple in words, in thoughts and in actions. I am simple but i have a great plan to be of service to others through my god-given talents.

I am an artist. Even as early as nursery, i loved to draw. I scribbled things that according to others were different. It was not beautiful and others couldn't tell what it is. I sometimes also do not know what it is. I only know that it meant something to me. I drew from my heart. I drew when i was happy. I drew when i was sad. I drew when i could not say the things I felt in words. It felt good to draw. I felt happy when others noticed that what i was doing and appreciated it.

I am a techie. I learned to use the computer early because my parents exposed me to it as early as 2 years old by giving me educational materials to learn the alphabet and numbers. I love computers! I am lucky that my parents provide me with the latest gadgets and gizmos for my hobby. I have advanced technical skills compared to others. I learned a lot of programs on my own, like Flash Animation. I have published works in an animation site where my work has a following both here and abroad. I am very happy that through my talent and capabilities i am able to indulge in my two loves - Art and Computer.

I plan to pursue a profession as an animator or visual artist. My parents encourage me to become one. I also plan to make this a business so that i can share to others my talent and also develop others like me. I want to teach good morals and values through my work as a visual artist - in my animation, cartoons and other ways i can communicate. It is a simple way but a great and effective way to preach and help change the lives of others for the better. Like what i have learned in my Ateneo education, Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam.

Like my namesake, Gabriel the Arcangel of God, I too, the simple Gab will in the future be the bearer of good news. That is my great plan.