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Through the wonders of Technology, (and) FaceBook has allowed me to re-connect with friends...But i never thought that it would be a means to purge my disappointment (and up till now did not know, was festering way-deep-down in my subconsiousness) over a rejection way back 1978.
Yesterday afternoon, i was checking out a friend's network and found in (his) loop a person whose picture and name appeared vaguely familiar to me (memory-gap moment) and yet somehow seeing him disturbed me (sub-conscious kicking in). After some brain-crushing (aided by caffeine) i connected the gaps and realized that THIS was the BOY (then) who REJECTED me some 30 years ago..OMG!! The memory of that REJECTION came flooding in, unabated, vivid AND cruel. Jaded as i am, i didn't think that something so petty, so juvenile, and so-very- long-ago can actually affect me 30 years after. But it did.
Liken to a movie script :
July, 1978. College Freshman. The (in)famous (C)AS Steps in UP Diliman. I see a Man-boy sitting on the steps...my heart beat fast, i was flustered...he was unlike all the other Man-boys i knew (then) because he seemed (then) mysterious and brooding...and he was a HUNK !! I've had a string of crushes, infatuations but this was different. TOTALLY. In hindsight, (and in current parlance) It was Lust-at-first sight. Ha!Ha!Ha! I HAD to know this Man-Boy...and I did..well, not really..Next to passing my Math 11, getting to know (about) him was my First year-First semester priority.
I did get to know about him..Name, Course, High School attended etc...all i can with the limited resources (and connections) about the Hunk-of-a-Man-Boy. I made it a point to be at the AS steps when i thought he would. I would ogle at him and enjoy the view :-)But never-ever did he even look at me. But i never gave up hope that i will, in the course of time, would get to know him...
Fast forward..August 1978. I needed an escort/date to a friend's debut..not that i didn't have a ready-supply of possible escorts (modesty aside) but this was a valid reason for me to ask Hunk-Man-Boy to be my date..mustering enough courage ..no,.. actually egged on, cajoled, coerced and challenged by my best friend..I hatched up a grand plan to ask/invite Man-Hunk.. down to the time, spiel, look, disposition and attire ! Despite the expected backlash (and adding fodder to the rumor-mill by -II was controversial and misinterpreted then by my peers..well that's another purge-topic coming) I was determined to have Hunk- Man-Boy as my escort. So after days of putting-off THE plan, and 5 days left before the debut... I put the grand Plan into action.
That fateful afternoon (and with my Bestfriend in the background, for moral support) I approached Hunk-Man-Boy in his usual perch at the AS steps. I sat beside him..close enough to establish intimacy..glanced at his bulging chest and enormous thighs (for added spice) looked into his soulful eyes and with what i thought was enough charm and spunk.. said " Can you be my Date at a friends Debut on Saturday????" DEAD AIR.
Then, the Bomb.. Hunk-Man-Boy declared, a crisp and cruel...NO. He didnt even say WHY. I was DEVASTATED. My head was spinning (pride), my heart was breaking to pieces (love, or so i thought), my body was aching (lust, no doubt)...after what seemed like eternity waiting for a possible word-or-two to explain and soften the rejection, (a sorry was enough, but none still) HUNK_MAN_BOY again, without any remorse, and emphatically said, NO. I wanted to punch his nose...(which then, i was beginning to realize was that enormous bordering on deformed, hahahah cruel din ako) but all i could muster, then was a painful THANK YOU. Exit with grace,..no, actually i fled the place with tears welling in my eyes.
I was inconsolable. I cried for most part of the day. I cut class, I didn't eat lunch or dinner and just wallowed in self-pity. I never thought that somebody, technically, a stranger at that, could actually hurt me. To cope up with the first-ever-trauma REJECTION, I completely blotted out the memory of that fateful day by being in denial and the vision of Hunk-Man-Boy (though hard as it is..wide chest, enormous thighs) NOW Hunk-Man-Boy-with a big nose-and-surely-dumb... WellI did forget..I got over it and moved on to (greater) rejections..
As postcript.. I also did fail my Math 11 that semester..the first of many...:-)
Until NOW. Damn. I still do remember. It all seems to juvenile now ( to even recall) , and yet the memory of the crisp and cruel NO remains. It was a defining moment for me.
But fate has a way of settling things, i now came to know (and after a serious data-gathering; verification- connect-the-dots exercise, all in less than a day..needed that to get my bearing back) that in some weird way, The STRANGER-Hopefully still HUNK-Old MAN-Not a BOY anymore-with a BIGGER NOSE is in my peripheral social loop..
Get this..
Eric my Husband was his classmate/batchmate at the Ateneo HS..
He is a good friend of my boy-best-friend-forever in my favorite town of Oshawa in Canada, Noel (also his HS classmate/batchmate), who incidentally is in my FB loop too...
Our ancestors came from the same town in Cavite.. that makes us possibly, albeit distantly related to me
He is in the loop of my newly re-discovered friend in FB, Greg.
and the list goes on and on ...
Amazing to say the least.
He may not remember.. I don't really care but i am happy that I DO remember. At the least, (as per Dr's advice to practice) finding him in FB (and all angst that came after) was mental exercise to prevent Alzheimer's :-) I have forgiven, I have forgotten. But he still remains a marked man. :-)
The wonders of FACEBOOK !!!!!!
As i write this, I must admit i have a gnawing desire to actually send this, thru the FACEBOOK Personal messaging function to the Hunk-Man-Boy. What do you think? Show of hands, please. hahahahahhahah.....
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