Scarce

I want to share with you an ARTICLE from the blog "Breathing Space" : Thoughts on a conscious and engaged life entitled ABUNDANCE NOT SCARCITY..(www.panjeetapales.com)

I so love this blog article :-)

..and so timely.

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ABUNDANCE NOT SCARCITY
October 11, 2008
www.panjeetapales.com

That's what I remind myself almost daily. I have to consciously leap from one perspective to the next (latter to former, of course, thanks to a lifetime of programming). Most of us live from the point-of-view of scarcity, of not having enough or being enough, always being short, substandard, seeing what's wrong and never what's working-- and that creates a ripple of energy that boomerangs right back at us, thereby fulfilling the prophecy.

The world is in an economic crisis now; all we see is lack or impending lack. We're seeing difficult times, lean times, cutting back, scrimping, saving, sacrificing, denying ourselves, doing without, doing with much less. What we see is doom and fear. But is this inevitable?

This economic crisis is a tremendous opportunity for the world to shift at last. We are a world of uber-consumers. We keep changing, adding, multiplying, accruing, accumulating, consuming, upgrading, buying, buying, buying. This is our opportunity to look at what we really have and surprise ourselves as we change the lens from "scarce" to "enough" and, perhaps, even more than enough.

I struggle with this everyday. I grew up in an environment of "not enough", though I don't remember ever going hungry. We always had what we needed. We did okay, though there is this buzz I inherited from who-knows-where, that made me view the world through the lens of scarcity. I got a sound education (though not Ivy League which, in hindsight, feels like a blessing)and certainly was given enough to make something of myself after, if not in the realm of mainstream success then in other, more personally relevant ways. Yet I'm having to undo this feeling of scarcity that seems to have been ingrained in me. I work on it because I don't want my children to inherit it. You can have everything material you could possibly need or want, but if you come from a place of seeing only scarcity, you will feel just that. I don't want that for them.

I've stopped looking at money--or everything it can buy--to survey my life. It's not how much money I have in the bank anymore but my ability to meet my family's needs that is the better measure. Am I able to fulfill my needs and theirs when necessary? So far, yes! There have been months that were tight but always, always, something comes up to cover just what I need. And that to me is abundance! It has nothing to do with what I have but my ability to make the most of it when I need it. It's also because I see that I am able to fulfill so many needs that have nothing to do with material wealth, but inner resources. It's almost miraculous.

I find that when I am engaged in the sharing of my inmost self, I am better able to feel and see abundance in my life. But when I am thinking and moving out of an inner space that is not generous in nature (and I'm not necessarily talking material wealth here), then I feel helpless and afraid of the future and all that brings. Scarcity is often a fear that is connected to the future, not the past, that's why it's paralyzing. Abundance is now! And if we stop and survey our lives, I'm sure that we have more reason to feel abundance than scarcity.

I just need to look at my garden and the clear blue sky above, inhale the fresh air that envelops me daily and I know it! I see my children savoring whatever simple meal I managed to whip up for them and it is there again. This doesn't mean my fears are gone forever. They are not. I still hope for a lot of things in my life to fall into place and there's still that nagging thought..."when I....then I will truly feel abundant....", but since I've tried to make the feeling of abundance a regular and conscious practice, I find that I am able to trust the unknown more and see, with clear eyes, everything that I truly have today. And if I view my life from that window of clarity, I see a lot. When I view it from the view of fear and projected need, I see scarcity.

So many people envied my life before. Someone even said my story was like a fairy tale. But it wasn't. I have so much less materially today but my life is so much truer and fuller, in every sense of the word, and all that has to do with the quality of faith I put in my inner life and a powerful commitment towards integration, rather than my external circumstances. These are the tools I hang on to and they are the ones that have brought me true feelings of abundance. They allow me to take the long and wide view.

I know women who look longingly at designer bags and shoes, watches, jewelry, cars, vacations--each one a peg towards fulfillment and I just know how very disappointed and empty they will feel at each turn. They may end up with closets full of these things but abundance still won't be there. It is somewhere else entirely. I've seen women parading in town already adorned with all these trappings, but I've also seen how they stare forlornly into space. I know people who are crazy wealthy but use their wealth to hurt others in subtle but vicious ways and I know that there is a big crater of a void in them where true and living abundance ought to be.

We don't have to be wealthy to live in abundance; we only have to be able to see and appreciate everything we've already been given and trust that we have what it takes to have our true needs met. All we need to do today is change the lens from which we view life. And then allow ourselves to be amazed and grateful for everything that is already there.

=================== www.panjeetapales.com

Lara

In late October 2005, An acquaintance, whom i knew as Lara sent me an email with this saying from Mother Theresa. She was not a regular email pal nor was she in my loop (I only met her once, when i accompanied my Mom to her MRI and she was also there for hers, as i recall - so this was a surprise to me. I don't remember giving her any personal information. Until now i am still puzzled how she was able to send me this. It was not the usual group-chain-email as i was the only recipient of the email and it came on the day/at a time when i needed affirmation.

She is a devotee of Mother Theresa and she sent me this while on a religious pilgrimage to Calcutta (as what she said in her email). I still haven't found the how, the why and the the where-for's of this email, but i believe that a greater force, wanted me to have it. I have kept this to heart since that day.

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The Final Analysis

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered Forgive them anyway
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; Be happy anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies; Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone may destroy overnight; Build anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;Give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is all between you and God, It was never between you and them anyway.

- -Mother Theresa-

Mantra

Since December 2005, I have a mantra which i recite (in my mind) everyday. This also serves as my new-and-all year resolution. It helps me find my center.

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To be so strong that nothing can disturb my peace of mind. To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person I meet. To make all my friends feel that there is something worthwhile in them. To look at the sunny side of everything and make my optimism come true.To think only of the best, to work only for the best and to expect only the best.To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as I am about mine. To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future. To wear a cheerful expression at all times and give a smile to every living creature I meet. To give so much time to improving myself that I have no time to criticize others. To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble. To think well of myself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud word, but in great deeds. To live in the faith that the whole world is on my side, so long as I am true to the best that is in me.

Closure of some sort....Redux

My first blog-article was written in my FB account entitle "Closure of some sort" last September 24, 2008. As posted in its entirety ...

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Through the wonders of Technology, (and) FaceBook has allowed me to re-connect with friends...But i never thought that it would be a means to purge my disappointment (and up till now did not know, was festering way-deep-down in my subconsiousness) over a rejection way back 1978.

Yesterday afternoon, i was checking out a friend's network and found in (his) loop a person whose picture and name appeared vaguely familiar to me (memory-gap moment) and yet somehow seeing him disturbed me (sub-conscious kicking in). After some brain-crushing (aided by caffeine) i connected the gaps and realized that THIS was the BOY (then) who REJECTED me some 30 years ago..OMG!! The memory of that REJECTION came flooding in, unabated, vivid AND cruel. Jaded as i am, i didn't think that something so petty, so juvenile, and so-very- long-ago can actually affect me 30 years after. But it did.

Liken to a movie script :

July, 1978. College Freshman. The (in)famous (C)AS Steps in UP Diliman. I see a Man-boy sitting on the steps...my heart beat fast, i was flustered...he was unlike all the other Man-boys i knew (then) because he seemed (then) mysterious and brooding...and he was a HUNK !! I've had a string of crushes, infatuations but this was different. TOTALLY. In hindsight, (and in current parlance) It was Lust-at-first sight. Ha!Ha!Ha! I HAD to know this Man-Boy...and I did..well, not really..Next to passing my Math 11, getting to know (about) him was my First year-First semester priority.

I did get to know about him..Name, Course, High School attended etc...all i can with the limited resources (and connections) about the Hunk-of-a-Man-Boy. I made it a point to be at the AS steps when i thought he would. I would ogle at him and enjoy the view :-)But never-ever did he even look at me. But i never gave up hope that i will, in the course of time, would get to know him...

Fast forward..August 1978. I needed an escort/date to a friend's debut..not that i didn't have a ready-supply of possible escorts (modesty aside) but this was a valid reason for me to ask Hunk-Man-Boy to be my date..mustering enough courage ..no,.. actually egged on, cajoled, coerced and challenged by my best friend..I hatched up a grand plan to ask/invite Man-Hunk.. down to the time, spiel, look, disposition and attire ! Despite the expected backlash (and adding fodder to the rumor-mill by -II was controversial and misinterpreted then by my peers..well that's another purge-topic coming) I was determined to have Hunk- Man-Boy as my escort. So after days of putting-off THE plan, and 5 days left before the debut... I put the grand Plan into action.

That fateful afternoon (and with my Bestfriend in the background, for moral support) I approached Hunk-Man-Boy in his usual perch at the AS steps. I sat beside him..close enough to establish intimacy..glanced at his bulging chest and enormous thighs (for added spice) looked into his soulful eyes and with what i thought was enough charm and spunk.. said " Can you be my Date at a friends Debut on Saturday????" DEAD AIR.

Then, the Bomb.. Hunk-Man-Boy declared, a crisp and cruel...NO. He didnt even say WHY. I was DEVASTATED. My head was spinning (pride), my heart was breaking to pieces (love, or so i thought), my body was aching (lust, no doubt)...after what seemed like eternity waiting for a possible word-or-two to explain and soften the rejection, (a sorry was enough, but none still) HUNK_MAN_BOY again, without any remorse, and emphatically said, NO. I wanted to punch his nose...(which then, i was beginning to realize was that enormous bordering on deformed, hahahah cruel din ako) but all i could muster, then was a painful THANK YOU. Exit with grace,..no, actually i fled the place with tears welling in my eyes.

I was inconsolable. I cried for most part of the day. I cut class, I didn't eat lunch or dinner and just wallowed in self-pity. I never thought that somebody, technically, a stranger at that, could actually hurt me. To cope up with the first-ever-trauma REJECTION, I completely blotted out the memory of that fateful day by being in denial and the vision of Hunk-Man-Boy (though hard as it is..wide chest, enormous thighs) NOW Hunk-Man-Boy-with a big nose-and-surely-dumb... WellI did forget..I got over it and moved on to (greater) rejections..

As postcript.. I also did fail my Math 11 that semester..the first of many...:-)


Until NOW. Damn. I still do remember. It all seems to juvenile now ( to even recall) , and yet the memory of the crisp and cruel NO remains. It was a defining moment for me.

But fate has a way of settling things, i now came to know (and after a serious data-gathering; verification- connect-the-dots exercise, all in less than a day..needed that to get my bearing back) that in some weird way, The STRANGER-Hopefully still HUNK-Old MAN-Not a BOY anymore-with a BIGGER NOSE is in my peripheral social loop..

Get this..

Eric my Husband was his classmate/batchmate at the Ateneo HS..

He is a good friend of my boy-best-friend-forever in my favorite town of Oshawa in Canada, Noel (also his HS classmate/batchmate), who incidentally is in my FB loop too...

Our ancestors came from the same town in Cavite.. that makes us possibly, albeit distantly related to me

He is in the loop of my newly re-discovered friend in FB, Greg.

and the list goes on and on ...

Amazing to say the least.

He may not remember.. I don't really care but i am happy that I DO remember. At the least, (as per Dr's advice to practice) finding him in FB (and all angst that came after) was mental exercise to prevent Alzheimer's :-) I have forgiven, I have forgotten. But he still remains a marked man. :-)

The wonders of FACEBOOK !!!!!!

As i write this, I must admit i have a gnawing desire to actually send this, thru the FACEBOOK Personal messaging function to the Hunk-Man-Boy. What do you think? Show of hands, please. hahahahahhahah.....

25

I was tagged by 8 friends in Facebook - so i had to write this 25 Random things about me. As posted :

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Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

(To do this, go to “NOTES” under tabs on your "PROFILE" page (you may have to add the tab by clicking on the + sign), click on "Compose New Message" and paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.)

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1. I am a typical Leo-Ox. All the good and the bad.
2. I start and end my day with a prayer.
3. I love Eric my sons Gab and Raf very much. They mean the world to me.
4. I want my sons to have more than what I had / have.
5. I value family and friendships more than the material things.
6. I work hard. I don’t rely on luck.
7. I often feel the need to slowdown but can’t. Not now, not yet.
8. I would rather have less than take from others to have more.
9. I prefer simplicity in everything. Less is more.
10. I hate being late. I always come early for an appointment.
11. I always look for the solution. The problem is there anyway.
12. I rely on my instincts. I have made the best decisions based on gut-feel.
13. I like it when people underestimate me. It gives me more leverage.
14. I over-achieved people’s expectations, even those of my detractors.
15. I don’t forget a word or act of kindness/thoughtfulness, more so the cruelty and insults, even those made 40 years ago.
16. I cheer for the underdog.
17. I can’t sing. I am off-key. But I can still dance.
18. I rarely wear prints. I don’t look good in them.
19. I eat a lot, eat often and eat anything and anywhere.
20. I buy on Sale, never on regular price.
21. I know who / what / which is real.
22. I never burn bridges.
23. I have no regrets.
24. I take things as they are, as they come and accept them.
25. I believe in happy endings.

Proud Mom

I beg your indulgence. Allow me to share with you a piece my son, Gabriel wrote sometime in September. They were asked to write an autobiography as part of his - application to the Ateneo de Manila High School. (where you have to write what your future plans are)...I kept a photocopy of his handwritten draft for posterity.

For some, it may be simple, but like any Mom, i am so proud of his earnest efforts....

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As written by Gabriel in full.......

The Autobiography of Gabriel Arcangelo K. de Dios

I am the firstborn son of Eric and Tina de Dios. I was baptized at the height of a raging storm on Septemebr 30, 1995 by Fr. Tom Arackal at the Parish of the Holy Sacrifice in UP Diliman. Most of the guests could not make it, but the few who were able to come recall that day not because of the bad weather but recall, with humor, attending the baptism of a boy named Gabriel the Archangel of God.

To most people, I have a special name. My parents made me special by giving me a name i have to live up to. They say that it is through my name that they have offered me, their son to the Lord. I am to most, an ordinary and regular guy because i am simple in words, in thoughts and in actions. I am simple but i have a great plan to be of service to others through my god-given talents.

I am an artist. Even as early as nursery, i loved to draw. I scribbled things that according to others were different. It was not beautiful and others couldn't tell what it is. I sometimes also do not know what it is. I only know that it meant something to me. I drew from my heart. I drew when i was happy. I drew when i was sad. I drew when i could not say the things I felt in words. It felt good to draw. I felt happy when others noticed that what i was doing and appreciated it.

I am a techie. I learned to use the computer early because my parents exposed me to it as early as 2 years old by giving me educational materials to learn the alphabet and numbers. I love computers! I am lucky that my parents provide me with the latest gadgets and gizmos for my hobby. I have advanced technical skills compared to others. I learned a lot of programs on my own, like Flash Animation. I have published works in an animation site where my work has a following both here and abroad. I am very happy that through my talent and capabilities i am able to indulge in my two loves - Art and Computer.

I plan to pursue a profession as an animator or visual artist. My parents encourage me to become one. I also plan to make this a business so that i can share to others my talent and also develop others like me. I want to teach good morals and values through my work as a visual artist - in my animation, cartoons and other ways i can communicate. It is a simple way but a great and effective way to preach and help change the lives of others for the better. Like what i have learned in my Ateneo education, Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam.

Like my namesake, Gabriel the Arcangel of God, I too, the simple Gab will in the future be the bearer of good news. That is my great plan.